I've had a cold for a few days now. When the symptoms started I went to my drug cabinet and found a few of this cold medicine and that allergy medicine. I took what looked like the strongest first. I continued taking these meds as I felt that I needed them (which translates into often.) I did not bother to look at any labels or dosages. I was just taking medicine to attempt to relieve myself of this awful cold. This morning I took the last DayQuil. I am still sick. I actually had that feeling come back - "Oh no - I've ran out of drugs - I gotta go score some more." Yep, I am a drug addict.
At noon I went to a meeting. I haven't been in over a week. The meeting was good and I went to lunch with an AA'r afterwards. I was feeling "well", but my cold was kicking in with a vengeance. So, I stopped by the drug store on my way home to get some cold medicine. I scoped the isle looking for the strongest stuff. I wanted it to say "Extra Strength" and I didn't want the stuff that you could buy right there. I wanted the stuff that you had to request from behind the counter. I found it! The good ol' NyQuil. The emerald green, shit tasting, beauty of a liquid. I grabbed the square piece of paper with a picture of the NyQuil bottle on it and took it to the pharmacy counter. "I want this", I said, tapping on the picture like a tweeker. I felt good after my transaction. I was walking out of the store, swinging my bag, when a sale caught my eye. Q-tips for $1. No, I don't need Q-tips. But it hit me - that feeling. Q-tips were my favorite filter. I would pull the cotton off the end and roll it up to a perfect little ball. It was just the right size for the spoon. Then I would use the stick to move the water just enough to drown all the dope. The Q-tip brand wouldn't work though. It had to be the cheap generic ones so that the cotton would not stay on the stick.
Pharmacies are dangerous for me anyhow. A pharmacy is my favorite drug dealer. Nervously waiting in line to get that bottle of oxys, hydros, somas, xanax. Sure that this time they were going to say something about the fact that this is the 10th doctor to prescribe this med to me this month. I would always buy a bottle of water, but not at the same time that I got the pills. No, that would be too suspicious of course! Nevermind the fact that I insisted on waiting on the pills and I paced back and forth until they filled them. No, I would buy the pills and then go grab a water and buy it at the regular counter on the way out. The pharmacy is my junkie heaven.
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Yikes-I can't quite tell if you are in recovery or not by the writings. But....you know we don't take Nyquil in recovery right?
ReplyDeleteWell, I am back in recovery ... and it gets harder when you fall off and come back in. As far as the NyQuil thing goes - I do know that some people in recovery believe that we must steer clear of cold medicines. There are just as many that feel if you need to treat your cold then you take cold medicine. I have not taken more than it says to take on the bottle. Matter of fact, I have only had one dose. I have known people that would drink a whole bottle of the stuff and it was not for an illness. This is not the case. I do appreciate your input though.
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